Matthew is in a special education preschool class through our public school system. Overall it is a really good program and one of the especially nice aspects is they use neurotypical peers as models in the class. Next school year Nico will be old enough to qualify.

So today, like many other good moms and dads, I trekked on over to Matthew's school bright and early. And with a nice head cold to go along with it. Thank goodness those running the program were nice enough to let us in the building before the actual registration started. Promptly at 8:30 AM they passed out the registration packets and numbered them so they would know who was in line before who. This was our suggestion as we didn't think it was fair if you were a faster writer then you could submit your packet ahead of someone that got there before you. They decided this was a good idea too and started numbering us.

To be a peer you must meet certain criteria, the first being the child must be of the correct age. Nico has this, he will be two in June. Next the peer must meet eligibility requirements such as being neruotypical. They will come out and evaluate him if he makes the cut for being high enough in line (we were number 9 so I think we are OK). But he was evaluated the other day to be released from his speech therapy for early intervention and they pronounced him "Perfect". This is the same group of people that would be evaluating him later, but just from a different school. I also think that having Matthew in the school may give us an advantage since Nico is intimately familiar with children on the spectrum. Not all the kids in his class would be ASD children but it does suggest that he would be sensitive to other disabilities. I am really excited about this possibility for Nico. I think it has a lot of good potential for all involved.

Let's hope our little neurotypical kid can get into the special ed program. Never thought I'd be saying that, but I am.

So it has begun. We have been asked to leave our Pediatrician's office. They have been telling us for a while that they needed us to have Nico "fully vaccinated" by 18 months old or we would have to leave the practice. I have been delaying the vaccines for several reasons, one being that every time we have an appointment he has been sick. But the other is the fact that I think vaccines may have contributed to Matthew's autism and I don't want to take a chance with Nico. I don't want to say that I completely disagree with vaccines but I do think we are giving "Too Many, Too Soon". And for us that just isn't something we feel comfortable doing.

We are not anti-vaccine, so we acquired the split MMR vaccines, that is we have separate vials of Measles, Mumps and Rubella. Each has it's own expiration date, so we need to work around that, in conjunction with the recommended alternate vaccine schedules that seem to meet our requirements. We looked into both Dr. Sears' and Dr. Cave's alternate schedules and came up with something that we felt took the best of all of these and included the expiration dates of our split MMR. With all of this in mind, we ended up having our Measles vaccine pushed out to Nico's third birthday due to Dr. Cave's suggestions and the fact that our Rubella has the earliest expiration date. (Dr. Cave suggests that Measles and Rubella be at least one year apart and that Measles and Mumps be 6 months apart, and Mumps and Rubella be 6 months apart.) The doctors in our practice did not approve of this schedule so they called us yesterday (a Saturday) and told us we needed to leave their practice. I can't say I was surprised but I was mad. I knew their policy so I do intellectually understand why they asked us to leave, but emotionally it made me mad and very sad. We had put so much trust into these doctors. Over the 4 years we have been with them we have talked to them about so many issues and they have helped us take care of our children. But here they are abandoning us when we need the most support. This is not an easy decision and we are not in an easy position. Larry and I often feel we are all alone in our struggle to stop autism and recover Matthew. And now we worry about Nico regressing. It does happen and it is a huge, silent fear of ours.

There are not a lot of doctors out there that can really direct us. There aren't a lot of agencies that can help you from diagnosis to recovery, soup to nuts, so to speak. You often have to do all the research yourself, make the decisions yourself, find the caregivers yourself and hope you are doing things in the right order; placing emphasis on the right things, and hope that you can still get your child into school without too much pain and anguish. I have seen too many children and their parents that have been vaccine injured to say that vaccines absolutely can not play a role in autism. There are just too many parents out there that have witnessed the change. I believe these parents, so Larry and I make changes and adjustments and hope that we can still do the best for our children. We struggle every day with every decision we make, hoping we are doing the right thing. But we never really know what the right thing is. If you are standing on the sidelines watching, you may believe you have all the answers; that you know the right thing to do. But believe me, when you are playing the game things are so much different. Nothing is as cut and dry as you may thing. No decision is simple and no one seems to have a copy of the playbook.

That leaves us looking for a new doctor. Someone that will respect our decisions and may actually have helpful advice. Armchair coaches and quarterbacks NOT welcome!

Yesterday it snowed, and it got me thinking that this very well may be the first snow Matthew has ever seen. Well, don't get me wrong, we have had other snow storms since Matthew has been born and we have pointed said snow out to him before. But I really think this is the first time Matthew has actually "seen" the snow itself.

Larry came downstairs yesterday morning and said that it was snowing outside. The boys and I had been busy doing something else so we hadn't even noticed. But as soon as Matthew heard the word "snow", he went flying to our glass slider. And he saw. He watched the flakes fall from the sky and he noticed how it was starting to cover our patio. Promptly he asked, "Can I go outside?" So Larry said "yes". We bundled both kids up, making Nico look quite a bit like Randy from A Christmas Story, and headed outside. Nico just stood around, I'm not really sure he could move in all of his snow clothes. But Matthew ran around delighted to be outside experiencing the snow. He held out his tongue to catch the flakes; something he had seen on a Little Bill episode. But when that didn't work he tried to lick the snow which had accumulated on Nico's hood. He even noticed that my hair was getting covered in snow and made me stoop down so he could shake the snow off of me.

Who is this little boy? Where did he come from? Larry and I were just like small children ourselves again. We had always hoped for these moments with our children, back when we were simply pregnant with Matthew. Then autism entered our lives and we weren't sure we would ever have these experiences with Matthew; Nico, probably, but not Matthew. Then this marvelous thing came a long. They call it "biomedical interventions", I call it hope and a miracle. And it has been giving us Matthew. He can see, he can comment, he can experience so much more. And the truly remarkable thing is that he can recount that experience with us. He asks questions about it. He shows us that he has taken the experience in and it has become part of him; that he will retain the information and it has begun to shape and mold him.

I'm sitting here with a small, wry smile on my face because I never thought I would be talking about how some seemingly meaningless event, just a blimp on our lifelong calendar, was shaping my son so that he could take in life as we know it. Who needs to think that way? Who needs to consider such mundane, yet extremely powerful, experiences? Parents of autistics do. And I'm sure there are others, maybe families of those with Downs Syndrome, probably others. I don't know. I am not them. All I know is what our family is experiencing, and what we are becoming.

First snow. It makes the world look clean and pure, and sparkly. For a moment or a day, the world is radiant, and in the eyes of a child it is brilliant. Hello First Snow!

Being the mom of an autistic child can cause one to lose who they really are. That is what has happened to me. If someone were to ask me "What do you do? Who are you? What makes you, you?" I would have to answer that I am the mom of an autistic son. I wouldn't answer that I was the mom of two boys or Larry's wife. I was simply Matthew's mom; the boy with autism and the mom that lived autism.

Thursday night our local chapter of the Autism Society had a meeting discussing "Happiness as a Renewable Resource". I went. I'm really glad I did, because this meeting opened my eyes to something I had known was there, but was unwilling to admit. It reminded me of a smoker that knows all the reports of how smoking causes cancer, how it smells bad, and that it costs too much. But they still continue to smoke. Then one day, for some of them at least, something clicks and they realize that this is no longer how they wish to spend their lives. Well, that is what happened to me. I have known for a very long time that I haven't thought of myself as being worthy, of needed care. If I considered doing something for myself I would feel guilty for having fun while Matthew was living with Autism. I had no right to enjoy myself, or to consider myself, because my baby was still autistic. And no matter how often people told me that to take care of my family I needed to take care of myself, no matter how often I was told I was worth it, I just couldn't commit myself to the idea. Instead I would allow everyone else in the family to enjoy what they wanted to enjoy, and I silently slipped further and further into the abyss. I had lost myself.

I won't say I was actually depressed, but I was probably pretty close. My emotions were so tied up with Matthew's daily progress or regression. If Matthew was having a good, "on", day, then I was happy; I was high. But if he was having a bad day, then I would be sullen, sad, or even worse, I would be angry. Often things were even worse and Matthew would cycle between being "on" and "off" within one day, and my moods would swing with him. It became physically exhausting, the adrenalin highs and lows would drain and sap my energy. I lost interest in most things and I was allowing myself to grow fat and flabby. Food was one of the few things I still enjoyed. I didn't have the strength to diet and control my weight while struggling with Matthew's autism and the emotional stain it placed on me.

But this meeting; it brought something back in me. It opened a window and allowed new, fresh light to shine into my mind and my heart. I listened to the other parents talk about their struggles, their fears, how they are lost too. I was one of them. They were like me. I was not alone in my feelings. They could open my eyes. Like Jesus removed the scales from the eyes of the blind man, my eyes were opened too. I listened to the lecturer and her suggestions for how to bring happiness back into my life. She said something very interesting. She said that 50% of our happiness is just innate; the personality we are born with. Another 10% comes from our circumstances, such as having a child with autism or having lost a job. Finally, the last 40% comes from how we choose to be. That is, it can be our decision to be happy, like a habit we can form. I liked that. I have control over at least 40% of my happiness, and probably more than that because I'm pretty sure I'm not 50% unhappy by nature. That was wonderful news. 40% is a lot in the grand scheme of things. And she also gave us suggestions on how to form those new habits. One suggestion was to simply decide on a way you wish to be each day, such as today I will be patient. Interestingly, by simply saying that you will be patient seems to help a person actually be more patient. I could choose to be happy or kind, forgiving or joyful, or any number of things. I tried it and it seems to be working. At least it is helping.

I have also made the decision that I am worth it. I am worth the effort and I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family, and so I can be happy. What good am I to them if I am not happy, not present, not actually part of their life? What good am I if I am not living my life too? Not much good at all. I have decided I will get back on my diet (I actually started up again today), and I will start exercising again. I have started to wear makeup again and to try to do my hair. I want to be happy with myself so that I can be happy with my boys and my husband. And it seems to be working. I have lived for hope with Matthew, now I am living with hope for our whole family.

My youngest son, Nico, has taken it upon himself to eschew all things protein. My husband and I are getting a bit concerned because the kid just won't eat anything that is made of meat or egg. He does love his carbohydrates but he has even been a little off of them too. So what is a good mother to do?

I have no idea what a good mother is supposed to do, but I'll tell you what I did. I decided to try to find a yummy baked good that both the boys would enjoy. So I started out with the idea of a carrot cake. I figured I'd think like the Sneaky Chef and start hiding good stuff in the yummy stuff. So what better way to start than with carrot cake. But I didn't have a GFCF carrot cake recipe. So I did what any good internet user would do and went to Google and looked up GFCF Carrot Cake. I found a few interesting recipes and then finally settled on this one that I modified to suit my likes and needs.

Here is my version of GFCF Carrot Cake. I'm calling it Carrot Cake Version 1 since I've already decided next time I'm either adding some protein powder or some form of legumes, either in flour form or maybe a paste (maybe not, it might make it too heavy). And I think I'm going to try cutting back on the sugar; 1 1/2 cups or seeing if I can switch to Agave.

Flour Blend:

1/2 cup sorghum flour (next time I'm thinking bean flour for more protein)

1/2 cup coconut flour (lots of fiber)

1/2 cup tapioca flour

1/2 cup corn starch (or arrowroot starch)

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cup oil

2 cups sugar

5 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 cups flour blend

1 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons xanthan gum

1 heaping teaspoon baking soda

1 heaping teaspoon cinnamon

1 scant teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon allspice

1/2 teaspoon cloves

3 Cups shredded carrots

1/2 cup shredded coconut

1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Blend together oil, sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Add in flour blend, salt, xanthan gum, baking soda, and spices. Mix together thoroughly. Lastly, stir in carrot, coconut and chopped nuts.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9x13 inch baking pan. Pour in cake mix. Bake for 50-60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Watch cake carefully because it can burn easily.

I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as my boys do. Matthew was so thrilled that he could eat "cake" for breakfast. Who was I to tell him it was pretty good for him too.

So I finally got around to talking about Kombucha. Since the new year I have started drinking Kombucha. I originally got it for Matthew because it has lots of really good probiotics but he didn't really care for it. But I did. I read somewhere that some people call it "baby beer" because it tastes so much like a fermented apple cider or lambic beer. I personally LOVE lambic beer so it is probably no far reach that I kind of fell hard for Kombucha.

Kombucha is a fermented tea drink with lots of beneficial probiotics along with several organic acids, active enzymes, amino acids, and polyphenols depending on how and who is making it. I personally like the GT's Kombucha the best, especially the Gingerade. That one is so yummy.

Now I don't know for sure, it could be pure coincidence but I recently caught a head cold. I started drinking a bottle of the Kombucha daily and sure enough my cold was gone in three days.

Go check out a bottle of Kombucha and see if you like it too.

Yesterday we had our second appointment with our new Defeat Autism Now! Doctor. After a slow start, the doctor was behind schedule and we waited at least an hour, we got in to see the doctor. He immediately told us how well Matthew was doing. Matthew, unlike many other ASD kids his age, talks to the doctor and answers his questions. He even asked a few Why questions, which tickled the doctor pink.

We started by going over Matthew's lab results. They showed that he does have metal overload, some seeming to be quite significant. But our doctor, after looking at Matthew as a whole child, does not feel we need to aggressively chelate him. Instead, he says, that because Matthew is such a verbal child and has good cognitive skills he does not feel Matthew is a "metal" kid. That means that we will need to get the metals out, but they are probably not the major contributor to Matthew's autistic behaviors. We then looked at the next lab report and saw that Matthew does have a lot of markers for "leaky gut" and gut inflammation such as low levels of Bifidobacterium and Enterococcus spp. which are good beneficial gut flora, and high levels of Lysozyme which is an enzyme secreaed at the site of inflammation in the GI tract. So these are the two areas he really wants to focus on fixing in the next four months. He chose four months instead of three because he will be going to some additional biomedical classes in April (maybe the mini DAN!, I don't know) and wanted to see what came from those classes. I really like that.

So our current plan of attack is as follows:
Month one:

• increase Zinc to 2 teaspoons at bedtime (we are doing this because we saw such huge cognitive gains when we added zinc in the first time)
• IgG2000 1 teaspoon a day. I will need to order this immediately. This is supposed to help with the leaky gut and gut inflammation we are seeing.

Month two:

• Co Q10 50mg in the morning
• LCarnitine 250 mg twice a day

both of these seem to be related to helping Matthew's hypotonia. There is a good possibility that Matthew has a mitochondrial disorder and both the Co Q10 and LCarnitine are helpful to mitochondrial issues.

Month three:

• Metal Free 1 spray daily working up to 45 sprays a day over the period of the full month. This is the mild chelator that will not stress his liver.

Month four:

• DMG/Folinic Acid/B12 complex 1 tsp in the morning. This will hopefully continue to fine tune his cognitive functions.
• If Matthew is still showing increased signs of hyperlexia we are to remove phoschol from his therapies for one week and see if he improves.

Then at our next visit we will readdress our current recommendations and go from there.

So I hate to say it, but I still haven't told you all about my love of Kombucha. Maybe next time.

I'm not really sure where to begin. I was going to write today's article about my new found love of Kombucha - a fermented tea that is rich in antioxidants and probiotics. But instead I want to talk about some moms and dads out there that are really inspirational. These are the parents that have been working around the clock, day in and day out, for years trying to improve the life of their autistic child. I am amazed by the perseverance these parents show; the sheer dedication and determination. I often wonder if I have that same mettle. We have been working since Matthew was born to help him be better and to recover from all of the obstacles that life has thrown at him. I remember taking him to doctor after doctor when he was just a few weeks old. I mean, we had to take him to his regular pediatrician every other day for a week because his bilirubin levels were too high. But even beyond that, we took him to a pediatric GI when he was only a month old. He was seen by therapists and specialists (endrocrinolgists and neurologists) and he was poked for blood draws at a very young age. It was, and is, tough. It is so hard to know that there is something wrong with your child and you can't fix it. You really, really want fix it.

But we have been extremely fortunate. God has blessed us and we are making great stides towards recovery. Matthew is so close to normal now. It is amazing to watch. Just today he was putting a mask on his face and being a seal. This kind of play was unheard of even six months ago. My little boy would not have allowed a mask to be placed over his face, and even if he did, he would have no idea what it meant or what he was supposed to be. But today he asked for the mask, he made "Arf, arf, arf" sounds and clapped his hands. He was a seal! That is such a huge step in the right direction. I keep getting glimpses of the child he will become. It drives us on. It keeps Larry and I focused and moving in the right direction.

But I wonder about those families that do not have such drastic progress. What keeps them going? I have a friend whose child is much more afflicted by Autism than Matthew. I had a chance to meet her child and it broke my heart. I wonder what will be the longterm out look for this child. I wonder how my friend and her husband can move forward; how they can keep looking for the "light at the end of the tunnel".

I know that we as a society tend to celebrate fame and fortune, and we only cast a passing glance at those people that truly show heroic courage and determination. You can ask anyone you pass on the street who their hero is and I'm sure most will name a sports figure, actor or politician. But how many would say their neighbor who works tirelessly to recover her autistic child? Or the man who takes care of his aging wife? These are truly the unsung heroes, but these are also the people I know I draw my courage from.

Next post I promise to talk about something light and effervescent - Kombucha. But today I want to leave you with this - look at the unsung heroes in your life and for today sing their praise. I know I will!